Where is the Real Love?

We are seeing a lot of changes in the relationship between partners,
couples, etc. And as described by my friend, Nitin, the “Dynamics of
relationship have changed”. No one wants to be controlled in a
relationship, space is what is required.

A few days back I was having coffee with my friends, and I don’t know
from where suddenly we started talking about a relationship. Like, what
is a relationship, and why are people in a relationship for the sake of
the relationship, when there is no commitment? People have lost the
touch of respect and understanding of what I believe because all are in
a hush and rush and want more “Quickies” than being with a committed
partner. And I say this is from both sides and we cannot blame only one
person. But why, why have these so-called dynamics changed, why was this
not earlier, like my parents they were committed and loved each other so
much, and I am sure yours too.

Should we say that with the arrival of smartphones, easy access to the
internet, and every day all new type of dating apps, finding a partner
is now easier? If one wants a Quickie just install any dating app. Like
Bumble or Tinder and wallah choices are on your screen. And the answer
is YES and it has become much easier. And again, as my dear friend
Aditya was mentioning, you cannot stick to one cuisine, you need to
change the taste, you cannot have pizza every day, you need to have
butter chicken, pasta, etc. And you know I was laughing. People are
becoming used to trying different partners and are not happy with one,
this is one more reason relationships are miserably failing and that
emotional touch and feeling of oneness have been lost, I say in these
dating apps. I am not saying people don’t find real partners on these
apps, they do and people are often drawn together in relationships
because they have lessons to learn. These relationships are often
exciting in the first phase of infatuation, then painful as they develop
and break apart. The ones that get into relationships easily are often
the ones with more lessons to learn.

What I say is, if a person is hopping from one app to another, going on
dates and committing to one and at the same time committing to others to
make sure he/she gets all, is fake. They should be clear to their
partners that we are in an open relationship rather than committed. The
committed relationship needs to be real and must have a soul connection,
a real meaning. Genuine soul mate type of relationships that last in the
long term are for people who are mentally and spiritually mature, and
these are the type that many people hunger for and don’t find because
there is so much chaos around and all need the best of all. One of the
essential ingredients to be attractive to the mature type of partner you
might be looking for is self-love. Often those people you see getting
into relationships cannot easily value and love themselves and are drawn
to partners who lack self-love, and they need each other to give them
the love they need. Hence the mention of lessons.

As I have learned from my experience, become your partner, take yourself
on adventures and learn how to be good company for yourself. This is
where a lot of people are afraid because they find themselves noticing
their faults when alone and therefore keep busy to avoid seeing them.
Believe me, one who can love themselves unconditionally and embrace the
fact they have faults not only is happy to be alone with their thoughts,
but often the self-security naturally removes some of the faults. They
were only created by fear of facing themselves. Now, what this is
leading to, is when you are a self-assured and unconditionally
self-loving unit, you will be authentic in the world. Then you will
attract another self-loving secure mate. These relationships are a
meeting of the souls and based on sharing yourself, for joy and love
rather than need. When you love yourself, you radiate that in the world.
Men do notice and there are many single men just waiting to meet a
genuine self-loving woman who is a match for them. They want a
relationship without the drama that occurs with partners who have not
matured and worked through their wounding from the past.

So, at the end of this from my perspective. if you are wanting a real
meeting of the hearts and a long-term happy relationship, heal your
past, become genuinely self-loving and you will shine that self-love out
there. And when you will start accepting self-love, you will attract the
same person, and that is the time you will stop hopping and will say
this is not me, because a sense of respect and passion will come into
you.

“I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and
every dream I’ve ever had.”

—The Notebook